i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
