sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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