Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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