so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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