A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
