take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
