I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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