i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
