Is it normal to miss your booty call?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
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