just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
