Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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