i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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