she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
