When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
