your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
