Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I think my fart just growled at me.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
