You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
