since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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