he was CRYING into my vagina
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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