remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
