I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
You're earring is so big in my mouth
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
