we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
