DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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