then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
