Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Pants are for mortals
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
