In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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