I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
