it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
