He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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