I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize