1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
