he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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