So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
