Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
