As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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