I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You need Xanax blowdarts
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize