Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
