I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
now i know why i became what i already was.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
they're like a gay fantastic four
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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