I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
