That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
