don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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