i just wanna soil my oats bro
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
