yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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