oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I smell stomach acid.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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