I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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