You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
