Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize