I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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