omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
