frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
