The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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