the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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