You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
