woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize