i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
