reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
