Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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