and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Randomize
