there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
