Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Randomize
