Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
So squirting runs in the family.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
