shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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