We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
