Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
