My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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