So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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