everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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