Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
