So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
