We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
