Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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