I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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