you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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